I don’t think I appreciated what I had when I was 17, 18 years old. So much independence and freedom. I always thought there was no way I’d go back and do those years again, but I think I’ve changed my mind. I wish I could go back and live those years again, with more enthusiasm and confidence.
I work in an Elementary school, and yesterday, as I sat in my car at the end of the day waiting for my kids to come out, I saw one of the high school students that had been volunteering for me in that afternoon come out of the school. She was parked next to me. Tall, thin, adorable clothes, lettermen jacket, swinging keys to her cute but old little truck. And it was then I knew I wanted to trade places with her.
I did not have the best years of my life at 17, 18, 19. but they were fairly carefree. School, work, driving around in a car that leaked gas, listening to “Dirty Dancing” on the cassette player. Off to McDonald’s for fries and a diet coke, maybe to the gas station for tic tacs and gum. I remember times when I had dropped my boyfriend off at his place, (I always drove, hmm) and I would be driving back home again, windows down, radio blarring, flashing my lights at the red lights to get them to change before I got there, just feeling Happy.
This girl was off to maybe some sort of sports event, or practice, maybe to a job, maybe to see a boyfriend, maybe to go to the mall and hang out with friends. I realized that kind of freedom just does not exist for me anymore and I felt sad thinking I had not appreciated it as much as I should have when I had the chance.
I was on my way home to cook dinner, finish laundry, get three kids through homework, load the dishwasher, return some calls, navigate sibling rivalry and try to remember to stop and buy more milk.
Yes, the thought crossed my mind, that I was wishing it was me, jumping in that cute little truck and racing off to more freedom, but I guess that’s not really the point of all this.
What it made me realize is this:
I do not want to look back in another 20 years and worry that I had not appreciated all that I have right now, at this moment in time.
